Different Kinds of Parenting Advice (Decide What Works For You!)

 Years ago I shared a few tricks I picked up over the years for how to tend to babies' cleaning and comforting needs. This post expands a little beyond that as I am noticing trends with first-time parents that remind me that some information is due for an update.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. These are things I learned over the years, both as a mohel and as a parent, which have served uswell, our children well, and many parents with whom I have had the privilege of seeing them through the Bris experience. You are welcome and encouraged to ask medical people for their advice. Just remember that, as with anything in life, it is always good to do your homework, get multiple opinions, then do what is right for you and your family, and what is best for your baby.

1. Feeding the baby on a schedule?

Some people like the idea of putting the baby on a schedule. It may help to get the baby to sleep through the night sooner than later in his life (which is probably a good thing). 

Women who nurse and who are available for their baby at all times may prefer the "nurse on demand" approach. This approach is best for mommy/baby bonding.

Some first time parents have told me (and we had the same experience after the birth of our first child) that they are told in the hospital to feed their baby every two hours, and to make sure to wake the baby for a feeding. OTHERS follow the idea to "never wake a sleeping baby," as there is nothing to worry about... the baby will let you know when he is hungry.

2. Crying baby?

I once heard it said that the reasons baby cry is to make sure we tend to their needs. If they didn't cry, there's a good chance we'd ignore them and forget to tend to their needs.  A baby's needs are very simple. Baby's like to be:

1. Clean
2. Fed
3. Held/Comforted

When tired, they like to sleep. When they are in pain, they let us know about it. But if the feeling of pain is over, and they are comforted (usually through being fed or held), they stop crying.

A content baby doesn't typically cry.  Is it OK to let a baby cry? It depends when...

For example, a pediatrician once told that when "training" a baby to sleep through the night, it is OK to let a baby cry for two hours. Some will hear that and respond that that seems excessive. Others might argue that allowing the baby to cry is not nice, especially when simply holding him will alleviate his discomfort. Others say, no pain no gain. To learn to sleep through the night, the baby needs to got through this. As long we know he isn't hungry (he was fed) and his diaper is clean, it is what it is.

In my line of work as a mohel, the baby will cry from discomfort and annoyance far more than from pain. The pain of circumcision lasts a few seconds. The rest of our time together is his being annoyed at me for whatever else I need to do to make sure his wound has sealed, so I can close his diaper and hand him back to his parents. Some people don't like when the baby cries, and they try to feed him (with a bottle) while he's crying. I don't recommend that approach, because, as I like to say, "A crying baby is a breathing baby..." and since the baby is on his back, there is a swallowing/choking hazard if he's being fed while he's crying. "Would you rather have a crying baby or a choking baby?" Everybody would rather the former. So while there are ways to distract the baby (have him suck on a pacifier or a piece of gauze dipped in the tiniest amount of sweet wine, as we give the baby at a bris), if those distractions don't work, then I'll take crying any day.

But other than during a bris, we'd like to see babies who are tended to, so they don't need to cry.

3. Baby Tylenol or Motrin

Don't take my word for it, but any medical intervention that is not for an emergency situation (those do too, but an emergency is an emergency) has very significant potential negative outcomes. For most situations, going back to the "standards of care" outlined above - clean, feed, hold, let them sleep - will do much more for them than medications will. These meds play with the very small and delicate and developing brain in a manner that is either understood too well (which is why there are warnings on all these products) or not understood enough when things are prescribed or offered "to help ease the baby's pain." So, tread carefully before engaging in medical interventions. Sometimes the side effects are unpredictable and more long-lasting than we could imagine.

In my years as a parent, any time my kids were sick, the doctor said, we could medicate, and it will be over in 2-3 days, or we could wait it out, and it will be over in 4-5 days. The natural healing will help the body learn and know how to deal with this situation next time it comes. The medical intervention will prevent the body from learning. "Your choice."

4. Diaper Rash

In the link of "trick" shared at the beginning, I wrote about the usage of wipes and how my experience has found to minimize diaper rashes. That said, if your baby gets a diaper rash, I once had a pediatrician tell me what he found to be an effective way of healing it. Rather than use a diaper rash cream (an endless cash cow for the pharmacy!), mix equal amounts of liquid Benadryl with a liquid antacid (such as Imodium), and "paint" it over the rash with a Q-tip. We found this to work well in our house! However, a couple of words of caution. Part of the reason for the rash is moisture being trapped in the diaper. So:

1. It is best to let the baby air dry, which means putting the baby on the stomach without a diaper. It's a good idea to put a chuck pad under the baby, and keep the baby in a place where you can run the risk of the mess which will come from the baby relieving himself without a diaper
2. This concoction is sticky due to the sugar in these medications, so though it will dry on the skin, it will take a little effort to get it off
3. Once the rash is gone, there is no need to put vaseline or A&D ointment with every diaper change. The main objective is to change dirty diapers sooner than later - with wet paper towels and not baby wipes - and to pat the tush dry before closing the diaper.

5. Sleeping position

Babies sleep best on their stomachs. The literature has gone back and forth over the years as to whether stomach-sleeping is a factor in SIDS. There are likely other factors which contribute much more to SIDS than stomach sleeping. 

That having been said, back sleeping sometimes has an impact in shaping the baby's head, but that is more of an anecdotal observation than a scientific one. 

Undoubtedly those who are monitoring a baby regularly will find the right comfort zone for the baby to sleep in.

Nursing mothers often find co-sleeping to be an easier method for sleeping that works for both Mommy and Baby. While there are bad stories one can find in a Google search with negative outcomes, they are usually with irresponsible parents who use drugs and alcohol and are not in control of their own awareness while sleeping. People who do not engage in those bad habits (a normal nursing mother!) do not typically experience those kinds of negative outcomes. In fact, mommy is much more rested, and the bond between baby and mommy is only increased. 

Do your homework, and find what works for you!